Things in life seem shallow, grey and almost two-dimensional and almost transparent, like nothing seems real any more.
Those were the feelings, along with a chronic low-level and easily escalating anxiety that I lived with, and the way I described my life. I don’t mind anyone knowing that there was a very dark time that followed the day my life changed with a few words:
“I want a divorce.”
Somehow, after the initial shock wore off, I found myself at the Veterans’ Administration Hospital in Las Vegas, Nevada, looking at he papers in my hand for the program of help called “Military Sexual Trauma.” That’s a fancy word for rape, if you are wondering. And I had no idea how, this event from 1979 had shaded, colored, magnified, and carved up my life. And it took the end of an 18 year marriage to get me in for counseling.
For me, being on the receiving end of counseling was proof that my world was topsy-turvy upside down. I think, looking back, I had therapized my own self by being the guide and counselor to others in my job as an advanced holistic nurse and nurse coach over the years. And now, things seemed just wrong.
But I carried a brand-new diagnosis of complex post traumatic stress disorder, related to military service, and the new title of Disabled U.S. Veteran. And, I started to connect the dots that seemed inescapably disparate.
My ex-husband leaving me was the event that opened my eyes to see that while I thought everything was fine and I felt happy, he was a mismatch for me. See, it was easier in my life for me to cling to and overlook someone with tendencies toward blaming and outright untruth telling than it was to see how disrespected I was and how I had “settled” because I didn’t know I was worth loving. Add to that the fact that I came from a family with the traditional family values of alcoholism and codependence, and you can see that this life I live was one marked for growth, awakening, and astonishing recovery….. or one that either of two suicide attempts could have ended.
I found kind people to talk to. Those that really listened. And I decided to cultivate the same skills they had so that I could help others who have been hit hard by life, and yet here we are all are.
This is my calling to the wounded people in the world, the ones who might feel stuck, alone, hopeless, and lonely. First, you need to know that your life is worth living. Your story, when you tell another human being with a compassionate heart can be what ignites your recovery. It can restore your hope and faith in you, yourself, your spirit and your worth. You can develop faith and trust again. It’s just on the other side of where you don’t want to go.
My job as a nurse and as a wellbeing advocate is simple: with grace, unconditional positive regard, patience, and loving intention, I help you find the way out.
Yes, the way out is there. I found it and walked it. It wasn’t easy for me, and it won’t be for you. The hardest part is the start. The story. Your presence.
If I can help show you the way out of doubt or sadness or stuckness, that’s my calling. Let me take your heart by mine. I know the way.
Location: Zoom Video-Conference (Zoom is FREE CLICK HERE )
Appointment: Advance appointment required
Time: 20 minutes. Your time is reserved just for you. If you are late, I will wait as you have purchased that block of time and attention, please understand that we will still end on time.
Why? This is a safe place for a short conversation, to check one another out. Maybe we’re a match for working together, and maybe not. This is your place, and my place, to find out. If we want to work together, we’ll set it up. Together.