Wednesday Coach’s Wisdom: Sudden Solitude

“Solitude is the furnace of transformation.” ~ Henri Nouwen

One of the most interesting things I’ve learned was actually not from a book, but from life. I have one friend who has never been alone for a day in her life. Coming to the United States from another culture where family and friends and community are prized higher than in the U.S. as cultural norms, she explained she always had relatives around, and even since she was married has never spent a day away from her husband and family.  That can be contrasted with one of the prized cultural attributes of the Pacific North West: live and let live. Which is sort of an isolating belief and lifestyle, and it’s even earned the moniker of “The Seattle Freeze.”  This alone time can be by choice, or it can be utterly unwanted.

Alone doesn’t mean sitting around feeling lonely and depressed. If you find yourself alone and you don’t want to be (divorce, anyone?), instead of overly feeling lonely, there’s a way to use it.  Use that time to grow and get to know you. When you can face that fire of solitude. You have been given the time for introspection and creating a space for wisdom.

You have that time to discover yourself and your purpose, and time to ponder the “Big Questions” of life. You can get familiar with and make friends with Alone, and this is the best time to get in touch with your intuition. This is where the Divine can talk to you about living your so that your life purpose can be expressed. In the opposite of company and the doings of daily life, you have time to reflect deeply.

You simply cannot reflect deeply in the hustle and bustle of full/busy days. You have been given this gift of solitude (even if it’s not what you expected).

It can be a difficult, scary, dark and disorienting feeling, this “Alone.”  Conversely, it can be a wildly enlightening time, too.

Suddenly Alone is a season of life. It can be transformative and powerful, like a cocoon from which you emerge more whole than you have ever felt before. Most importantly, take care of you. It’s find to go to the bookstore and journal. Walk in nature. Read great books that uplift and challenge you. Shower every day and brush your teeth. Do things for YOU. 

Because you may find yourself one day in this Suddenly Alone. It can also be your greatest time of growth and source of strength.

Here’s a simple journaling technique that I teach to clients. You may find it useful, too. Of course, we aren’t meeting in person to discuss your own findings and process those, but you can discover a wealth of knowledge and power with your own intellectual examination of the words, too!

I recommend a new journal. A nice one, and a well-fitting pen in hand. No electronic journaling here. Each day when you awaken, for 30 days, write one full page, or two if you need it, on ONE SIDE of the journal, like all the pages on the left or the right. The pages will have only 1 side written on them. DO NOT re-read what you have written. Just keep journaling all the thoughts and feelings  and observations and questions you have.

THEN, after your 30 days is up: using another pen, completely a different color if you like, go back and read Day 1. Distill one or two sentences of wisdom, a pattern, an idea. That’s it. You are looking for the nuggets of wisdom of that day. Write those down on the opposite side, which should be a blank page for you. Do this for all the days you have journaled.

At the end of your experiment in journaling, you can go back and re-read all of it, looking for patterns, spiritual awakenings, feelings that came up and thoughts and plans. And, you’ll also have a 30 day-reflection of ideas, messages and wisdom of your own writing.

Let me know what you think!


Resources that make for a Delightful Month of Journaling (and because you are worth the luxury), under $50! Click on picture to see them on Amazon.

 My favorite fancy journal (under $30)

My go-to pen. Shiny and pretty when I don’t feel like either. (Under $20)


Hi, I’m Lizzie Bennett, enjoying my Life’s Journey as a woman, daughter, sister, daughter, aunt, mom, military veteran, and gammy. I’m certified and licensed as a Board Certified Advanced Holistic Nurse (Registered Nurse). I facilitate others individually or in small groups to learn their Authentic Selves with the education of an advanced nurse, the joy of my life’s events, and the compassion of a Wounded Healer.  My platform for change is Three Moons Medicine® where I use Therapies, teachings, and uplifting Readings to help you understand and create your own way.

Wednesday Coach’s Wisdom

People don’t do what they are afraid to do. They don’t want to say they’re afraid. ~ overheard at a bookstore in Lakewood, Washington.

I was enjoying my weekend cup of coffee and a good book, a weekly treat for me. The table next to me had an animated conversation going which I had all but tuned out when this nugget floated right into my ear, like a serendipitous hummingbird. And it sat there for a few days, too.

I noticed that one thing in common that kept me from moving forward with my three-year plan was lack of clarity. I was completely and obliviously happy to go to work, come home, and not worry about much, then one day it actually caught me by surprise, but there I was, wondering about retirement of all things. Where would I live? In a house, tiny home, condo? Would I have to work in retirement? What might I do?

Needless to say, I needed clarity! Too many thoughts were floating around, like dust bunnies when under the bed is dusted – too many, too much, too overwhelming!

Then I got to thinking about what I needed? Maybe a coach to help me sort this? (After all, I’m a coach and that’s what I do, right?) But then it hit me:

I don’t have a clue what I want out of coaching.

And, I bet that’s what many people think, too. What can a coach do for me?

Well, enter the information* taught by Dr. Linda Bark, PhD, RN and Master Coach, which starts with: finding out what the clients wants to do. Here’s how that works:

Over time, the conversation reveals:

  1. What the clients wants to do, or the goal
  2. What is their desired action list and steps?
  3. What does the timeline look like based on the methods or actions to get there
  4. What kind of support can I, as the coach, offer?
  5. What challenges might we anticipate now that may crop up on the journey?

What helps me right now, as a coach, is that these are all the topics that a coaching series reveals with the techniques and therapeutic skills I have, but I never put them in writing or realized the need for a structure in coaching.

My questions for you are:

  • What is it that you fear to do that keeps you awake at night?

Do you have a plan, or does it seem overwhelming and you relax back to the familiar and safe? (Yeah, that’s what I did for a long time!)

I just want you to know that it IS safe to start the conversation. And, because I’m a Registered Nurse, we can talk about health issues that impact your life: especially chronic conditions. I’ll even (with your express permission and knowledge) go over doctor’s directions that you might not exactly know how to implement, especially Diabetes Type 2. And, you’ll feel good through the process and get notes for your doctor if you like.

Reference and Resource:

Bark, Linda. 2011. The Wisdom of the Whole, page 75.  Click picture to view book on Amazon.

 

 

 

 

Hi, I’m Lizzie Bennett, enjoying my Life’s Journey as a woman, daughter, sister, daughter, aunt, mom, military veteran, and gammy. I’m certified and licensed as a Board Certified Advanced Holistic Nurse (Registered Nurse). I facilitate others individually or in small groups to learn their Authentic Selves with the education of an advanced nurse, the joy of my life’s events, and the compassion of a Wounded Healer.  My platform for change is Three Moons Medicine® where I use Therapies, teachings, and uplifting Readings to help you understand and create your own way.

Wednesday Coaching Wisdom

One question that I hear a lot from clients and in discussions is a great one that is still being discussed widely.

What’s the difference between a Coach and a Licensed Therapist?

There are coaches who are licensed in other disciplines, like also being a Registered Nurse, a Psychologist, or maybe a Social Worker. And, there are people who hold no license at all and are still fantastic Coaches.

One difference is how conversations are approached. For example, if you visit a mental health therapist, the encounters are likely to be free-flowing and the person seeking the therapy does most of the talking, coaching is far more likely to be punctuated with goals, actions plans, and a sense of moving forward in life and the area of concern. A coach doesn’t meet a client for identifying pathologies.

Another important area is the focus of time. Licensed therapists are likely to take the client back to the time of emotional injury and having conversation to identify emotional injury or trauma and identify how this is showing up in life today like interpersonal relationships and psychological and psychosocial problems. Therapists will assign a diagnosis and structure their interventions and sessions around this model.  On the other hand, coaches have more of a focus on the “now,” and do not look for emotional pathologies or operate from that perspective. Coaches are far more partnered with clients in creating plans that the client has self-identified. Coaches help you to reach your personal goals, work on success factors, and help people reach a higher potential. Coaching helps you to set the goals that link up action toward the next level or goal that clients identify.

There are areas of overlap, but there are also standards that Three Moons Medicine® has in place:

  • There will be no unsolicited advice given. In other words, if you don’t ask for it, you will not hear it. Who wants that?
  • There will be an unconditional acceptance of the client; that is: a no judgement zone while in session. Every time.
  • Your Nurse Coach is Licensed, and you will be offered some interventions only if appropriate and they’ll be fully discussed with you. Examples include:
    • Energy Medicine ~ helps to restore spiritually and medicinally healing for you without being touched (Kunz-Kreiger Therapeutic Touch™ for example);
    • Reframing exercises ~ to help you think better about yourself and your possibilities;
    • Writing and Story Medicine ~ telling your story out loud, changing your story, and journaling are all excellent tools to help create the physical-emotional-and mental link;
    • Guided Imagery ~ A relaxing time for you to access your inner world and tell the stories and experience the relaxation associated with your current session; and
    • Cards and Imagery ~ to help unlock thoughts and connections and help with decision-making for life’s events. There are many more.

A wonderful thing about coaching is that the sessions are always agreed-to and structured with the client and coach working together.

Hi, I’m Lizzie Bennett, enjoying my Life’s Journey as a woman, daughter, sister, daughter, aunt, mom, military veteran, and gammy. I’m certified and licensed as a Board Certified Advanced Holistic Nurse (Registered Nurse). I facilitate others individually or in small groups to learn their Authentic Selves with the education of an advanced nurse, the joy of my life’s events, and the compassion of a Wounded Healer.  My platform for change is Three Moons Medicine® where I use Therapies, teachings, and uplifting Readings to help you understand and create your own way.

 

Wednesday Coach’s Wisdom

We don’t really fear the unknown. We fear what we think about the unknown.
~ Teal Swan
Coaching with a Nurse Coach is decidedly different. One thing you will notice right away is that you are TOLD very little. Why is that?
We believe that asking the right questions to you, at the right time is paramount to developing the skills in life to look within, listen for an intuitive answer, analyze that answer with your worldview and goals, and then talk about that.
See, looking into the unknown (what isn’t known) with curiosity and support from your Nurse Coach will help you to expand the known (what you deduce and learn).
Unlike other coaching experiences, you are greeted as the expert in your own life and preferences. You are invited to rely on YOURSELF and knowing, rather than someone who touts themselves as an expert. That way, your Nurse Coach journeys into the unknown with you to retrieve answers and realizations.

Hi, I’m Lizzie Bennett, enjoying my Life’s Journey as a woman, daughter, sister, daughter, aunt, mom, military veteran, and gammy. I’m certified and licensed as a Board Certified Advanced Holistic Nurse (Registered Nurse). I facilitate others individually or in small groups to learn their Authentic Selves with the education of an advanced nurse, the joy of my life’s events, and the compassion of a Wounded Healer.  My platform for change is Three Moons Medicine® where I use Therapies, teachings, and uplifting Readings to help you see your own way.

Three Moons Medicine® Coaching

When you choose the coaching experience with me or with an associated Three Moons Medicine® Coach, you are taking a positive step to learning the power of partnership, and that you are your own best guide through the challenges of life. We would like to introduce you to some of the principles that guide what you can expect from us.

Why Three Moons? Three months, or about 90 days is a season in life, and this amount of time is what it usually takes for new habits and changes to “take hold,” and become a routine part of life. Whether it’s belief in yourself, a healthy behavior change you want to explore, or even changes in your emotional beliefs, that’s a good amount of time to solidify new habits. And that means having a partner along the way: your coach.

Partnership in coaching means that the coach walks with you through changes, asks deep questions that are meant to wake up your own sense of inner knowing, and witnesses your journey to inner knowing – your learning process that unfolds. You will be supported to fine your own inner voice, which is the one that tells you what is best. You’ll experience a rewarding familiarity with your inner knowing as your unknown path unfolds.

Your coach walks beside you as very complex issues are explored, always following your lead, and not taking charge. The coach is skilled in movement through the complex but will not be the leader. As movement through situations is achieved, the pace and direction are determined by you with your coach alongside and with. This is where skilled communication techniques come in.

Your coach will bring deep listening methods to the conversations; will ask powerful questions that evoke possibilities to move through, co-creates your plan with you, and will be your support and accountability partner.

Partnership means that your Coach is not the expert in your particular matter, but instead is your support as you explore what changes (if any) are to be made, guide with questions and possibilities, and focus on you in charge. This might be a new experience for you.

If you have had coaches in the past, but never have worked with a Nurse Coach, you might have had someone act in the role of Expert. This role might have been where you were told what to do, given assignments, or even held to task. If that’s the role you are used to and looking for, then a partnership style of coaching will be new to you. See, YOU alone are the expert on your life, what you think, how you believe, and the direction to take.

We’ll explore more on coaching and co-creation in a future blog.

 

Hi, I’m Lizzie Bennett, enjoying my Life’s Journey as a woman, daughter, sister, daughter, aunt, mom, military veteran, and gammy. I’m certified and licensed as a Board Certified Advanced Holistic Nurse (Registered Nurse). I facilitate others individually or in small groups to learn their Authentic Selves with the education of an advanced nurse, the joy of my life’s events, and the compassion of a Wounded Healer.  My platform for change is Three Moons Medicine® where I use Therapies, teachings, and uplifting Readings to help you see your own way.

Compassion Heart Meditation

This is a meditation that was adapted from Thich Nhat Hanh’s loving kindness meditation, found in Teachings on Love (see resources below).

Sitting comfortably, this three part meditation is quite powerful for your own self, any other person you bring to mind, and all living beings.

My personal practice was to record this in my own voice, on my smart phone. The second part of the meditation is one I use for a specific person, whomever I have chosen to visualize at the moment.

I’ll write more about each of the three parts in different posts, but I wanted readers to have the words from the American Holistic Nurses’ Association’s treatment of this meditation so we can use this as a basis for some advanced discussions.

PART ONE

May I be peaceful.

May I be happy.

May I look to myself with the eyes of compassion and love.

May I be safe.

May I be free from accidents.

May I be compassionate with my anger and gentle with my fear.

May I be spacious and compassionate to the depths of my true heart.

May I be whole.

May I be well.

May I be free.

May I be peaceful.

May I be happy.

PART TWO

May you be peaceful.

May you be happy.

May you look to yourself with the eyes of compassion and love.

May you be safe.

May you be free from accidents.

May I be compassionate with my anger and gentle with my fear.

May you be spacious and compassionate to the depths of your true heart.

May you be whole.

May you be well.

May you be free.

May you be peaceful.

May you be happy.

PART THREE

May all beings be peaceful.

May all beings be happy.

May all beings look to themselves with the eyes of compassion and love.

May all beings be safe.

May all beings be free from accidents.

May all beings be compassionate with my anger and gentle with my fear.

May all beings be spacious and compassionate to the depths of my true heart.

May all beings be whole.

May all beings be well.

May all beings be free.

May all beings be peaceful.

May all beings be happy.

 

Resources:

 

 

 

 

© Lizzie Bennett PhD RN

Hi, I’m Lizzie Bennett, enjoying my Life’s Journey as a woman, daughter, sister, daughter, aunt, mom, military veteran, and gammy. I’m certified and licensed as a Board Certified Advanced Holistic Nurse (Registered Nurse). I facilitate others individually or in small groups to learn their Authentic Selves with the education of an advanced nurse, the joy of my life’s events, and the compassion of a Wounded Healer.  My platform for change is Three Moons Medicine® where I use Therapies, teachings, and uplifting Readings to help you see your own way.